Now that movement restrictions have been eased and shops are able to open their doors there will – no doubt – be an eagerness to do the things we have not been able to do for the last year or so. Some people will be more eager than others as fear of missing out could be negatively influencing the way they think.
Fear of missing out is a relatively new term and is intricately linked with another related psychological condition called Fear of a Better Option, both of which were identified in 2004 and are self-defeating notions whereby a person is convinced that other people are enjoying a better life through the social choices they make. It is a compulsive desire to experience something, or be somewhere, motivated not by what you gain, but rather the fear of what you may – potentially – be losing. In an age when most people use social media to let their friends and family know what they are doing, where they are and even what they are eating it is easy to understand why four in ten people can identify with FOMO and believe it is the cause of anxiety and low self-worth.
Oddly, for those who are affected, they may not know what the trigger is, but simply knowing someone is having a better time than you is never going to be comfortable if you are unable to accept that having everything you want in life is unattainable. Advertising and marketing play a big part in how we think, it is hard to avoid promotions for the latest must-have items… Arguably, they are not must-have’s until we see how smart, enticing, life enhancing the products are – even more so when we see other people eating, wearing and driving these brands. While the adverts do their job, seeing our neighbours with the latest fashion can bring on feelings of jealousy.
In a consumer driven world, it is easy to understand how FOMO develops in early age and by the time we reach adulthood, if we have not experienced achieving high levels of satisfaction, there could be a sense of failure or loss. It is quite easy to forget that we are not all running the same race; there is no point comparing yourself to other people – we are all hugely different. The first question needs to be what does happiness mean to you? The next is an acceptance of choice… What if we said you could have the things you believe you are missing out on – you would be delighted. In one hand you are instantly being satisfied, but there is the large debt to pay off, which could be contributing to your unhappiness.
The blame cannot fall solely at the feet of the product managers who pay huge sums to connect their advertising with aspirational egos. Every time you post on social media about where you are, who you are with and what you are doing, you are spreading the virus. This encourages other people to share their version of life perfection, only to make those who are unable to reach such heights feel inadequate. This begs the questions, are you really missing out, or is it attention that satisfies you?
Being happier may require you to withdraw from attention. If we all stop promoting in an egocentric way, we stop fighting against ourselves – and ultimately, stop trying to impress and satisfy our own needs. Should it not be about health, happiness and wellbeing, rather than what we are able to buy or where we are able to go which is important? FOMO robs you of the enjoyment of what is happening right now – rather than trying to experience it all, just take a moment to experience what you have and add significance or lasting meaning.
FOMO starts with sadness; it is painful seeing something you want that is out of reach, so revaluate what is important to you – and what is achievable. Social media is not the devil, but do not rely on it to provide a realistic picture of everyone else’s life. Assessing your happiness against what other people are posting is a quick road to disappointment. The reality is we are always going to miss out on something so let us be mindful of that and find a way of managing it, so we don’t feel undervalued.
People can be quite dismissive about FOMO. Perhaps this is reflective of their own issues, or an ignorance as to what issues are affecting people’s mental health right now. At Active Listening Therapies we know that talking about difficult issues such as FOMO can be a challenge, which is why we offer a judgement free environment for you to work through and consider your circumstances. If you would like to talk to either Louise or Duncan, you can reach them through the website contact form or by clicking here