There is a reason why – in the airline safety laminate – it tells you that in an emergency you must put your oxygen mask on first before helping children. It may sound unethical to sort yourself out first, but if you are overcome with smoke and are unable to help anyone else, the situation becomes much worse.
As a society, we are largely taught to put other’s before ourselves – and that’s a good thing; it encourages us to think about the well-being of people around us – and if everyone did that, the world would, undoubtedly be, a better place. However, for those who wear their heart on their sleeve, this can become a draining experience.
Looking out for others can be draining
In emotional and mental health terms, people with high levels of empathy will always be there for the people close to them who need support, but these care givers are the people who are easily drained when stress reaches them – and that stands to reason; if you are drained of the good stuff, then your ability to bounce back from difficult mental and emotional situations is severely compromised.
Self-care – managing yourself, helps mitigate own internal issues from getting worse. This comes with being aware of your own limitations, energy levels and feelings. People who put others ahead of their own needs often fall into a pit of low confidence and again, this is because focus is aimed outward rather than internally. For such people, asking for help almost seems against their own values, but it is important when having a bad day that reaching out to others is a consideration.
Track your own performance
Keeping a mood diary is also a great idea; this allows you to track the balance between good and bad days, when moods change, or difficult situations are managed. There are some great apps that help keep track of such information – it is a really interesting exercise to look back and see whether the feelings and emotions on the day match with those having had time to think and reflect.
Relaxation and self-time are words than are not common with people who are always on hand to sort other-peoples issues. When I have this conversation with clients, the thought of dedicated time is an alien notion which is often laughed at. I am always surprised at how little time people commit to themselves. Busy family life is a good example; being a parent can be non-stop. Clients come to therapy because they have lost balance. This leads to a lack of confidence, exhaustion and in many cases frustration – the simple things such as discussing feelings and emotions with a partner can get over looked and this may lead to marital confusion. When dealing with couples in this situation, communication and personal time – or rather lack of – are often the root causes. You- time is not something to be ashamed of.
Technology doesn’t help either; being there for other people is great, until the phone never stops ringing. Turning off the phone is a brave thing, the very least should be a healthy boundary to allow for you-time. When the phone is non-stop time, the key points of importance like food and sleep are often compromised; so is it any wonder that people who wear their heart on their sleeve get exhausted and run down.
Counselling in Nottinghamshire
At Active Listening Therapies you-time is a topic which is approached early on in the therapeutic relationship. Together we’ll work toward better self appreciation, time management and self-care, so that you are in a better position to continue to offer the support you need to family, friends and colleagues without draining your own resources.
We have clinics in Nottingham and Newark and offer male and female counsellors should you have a preference. To discuss any part of this blog, counselling in Nottinghamshire, or your specific mental and emotional concerns, feel free to contact us through the contact page of the website, or call us directly for a private and confidential conversation:
Duncan – 07759 948001
or
Louise – 07568 390402