This week is Baby Loss Awareness Week. Losing a baby – and talking to someone about it must be one of the hardest things; it will be hard for the person sharing their story, but it will also be difficult for the person listening who is probably not sure on how to react and what to say. Let’s face it, no amount of positive affirmation will be of comfort, particularly if the loss is recent.
Losing a baby will be at the challenging end of an already emotional journey. You will have enjoyed the sheer joy of confirming a pregnancy – excitement which will usually be shared with close family and friends. When this is taken away it not only affects the mother but more than likely the future grandparents and those close to them. Whilst the immediate reaction is to feel for the mother, it also affects the father – and sometimes they are the forgotten party; whilst men will never appreciate the physical and mental attachment a mother will have with her unborn child, there is still an emotional connection for the father.
Baby loss can be a permanent struggle
For some couples, baby loss can be a permanent struggle even before conception. The simple fact of not being able to have children will lay heavy on the minds of many parental hopefuls. Like those parents who have lost a baby either before or during birth – or later in the early years development, there is always a constant reminder of what could have been…
Seeing someone else having a healthy child can be crippling. Anxiety, depression and grief can easily turn in to unhealthy jealousy – these feelings will be hard keep inside and puts further unwanted pressure on couples who have lost, or who are unable to have children. For those who have lost, the emotional journey has no limit to time; for some it may last for a very long time indeed. On the other hand, it may appear to outsiders looking in that those affected are coping well given the circumstances. Outwardly people may look confident, but this may just be a positive face.
Facing up to the challenge
Dealing with the emotion is one thing, accepting it is a whole different challenge. This is where seeing professional help could be of benefit. The first part of the process may be to deal with the grief and loss – and the associated anger, then you can work on the other emotions which you may be battling with. Sometimes it might help to approach counselling as a couple, this allows you to work through difficult feelings together, alternatively you may wish to approach it one to one with the therapist. Which ever route you choose you can be sure it will be an emotional one, although as the session progress you’ll start to understand your feelings – then, hopefully you should be in a better place to manage your emotions.
The reality is, nothing will replace a lost child, you will never forget – and arguably never be at peace with the loss. That said, it is important to take control of your thoughts and feelings, otherwise they could consume you. If you are looking for counselling in Newark to overcome grief and loss, depression or anxiety, Active Listening Therapies has appointments available for adults, couples and young people. There is space during week days, evenings and occasional weekend slots to ensure you’ll find an appointment to suit your schedule.
For more information on how Active Listening Therapies can help you manage your emotional struggles, or to book an appointment click here.
Both Louise and Duncan will be participating in local events to highlight Baby loss awareness week.