When you reflect on your day and assess the level of emotional withdrawal, there are two considerations you may be overlooking. Who and what is causing distress – and how are you dealing with it?
If I was to suggest emptying the contents of my wheelie bin in your house, you’d respond quite quickly with reasonable protest. No one wants to be cleaning up – at best a singular person’s rubbish, at worst a group’s rubbish – stuff that is rotten, past the sell-by date or hazardous to health. What about waiting at the airport baggage reclaim to collect someone else’s suitcase full of dirty clothes. Would you take it home, wash and iron the contents and deliver the case back to the owner. Surely not?
Second hand emotion is where we pass on our feelings and unwanted circumstances to others who – unintentionally – take ownership of what is being knowingly, or otherwise offloaded to them. This adds a layer of stress which can remain undealt with for a long period of time. These are feelings and emotions we absorb individually from those around us, often the first stop for this would be family, friends, colleagues, and neighbours, but with social media and access to a wide degree of information in an instant, it may also include people we don’t know, circumstances we are aware of but not involved in. Positive emotional awareness and understanding that we are carry feelings – or baggage – created by others is a great start, having the consciousness to remove yourself from this a huge step in the right direction.
While empathy is a fantastic trait to have, it is vital that we understand the difference between understanding and compassion and internalising a third-party issue. For sure, empathy connects people, but it still requires boundaries to prevent emotional overload.
To stop second hand emotion negatively impacting your well-being, you need to recognise and balance emotional space. Being aware of how full you are is great self-understanding, letting other people around you know that you are reaching a limit is vital. If we don’t communicate our position, others are not able to know how you are feeling, or why you may be reacting in the way you are. Processing how you feel about the source is a great starting point to freeing yourself from such unwanted backage. You are not responsible for the creation of these thoughts; you needn’t be responsible for the cultivation either.
As if other people’s baggage wasn’t difficult to manage in the first place, you are also having to navigate thoughts that you are responsible for. Automatic thoughts can be confusing to deal with as they can flash though our mid at the most unwanted times and regarding the most unnecessary content. Automatic thoughts are rapid and subconscious thoughts which arise as a response to situations or events. The can both positive or negative and are intrinsically connected to our beliefs and past experiences; these thoughts give us an insight into how we interpret the world around us.
Considering negative thoughts. They often reinforce unhelpful patterns and may create a cycle of thoughts which can be difficult to break. We can categorise these as catastrophizing, self-blame, and all-or-nothing behaviour. When we can identify which kind of thought we align to, we can begin to understand the challenges a client may face. Automatic thoughts are an integral part of human behaviour If not recognised – and dealt with, when out of control, can become profound.
Dealing with second hand emotion and automatic thoughts is a very subject experience, but one where counselling can be very effective. At Active Listening Therapies we will put you at the heart of the discussion, working firstly to build self-awareness and confidence in the therapeutic relationship. Given that both circumstances have an impact due to a person’s view and experience we may explore what may have happened in the past to exacerbate such thoughts, moving then to a more behaviour and solution focused approach, enabling the client to make sense of how they feel while also encouraging positive routes ahead. You can choose to work with Louise or Duncan, come to the office for a one-to-one counselling session, or meet online; what ever therapeutic solution suits you best.
At Active Listening Therapies we work with children aged 11 and above and adults who require support with mental health challenges. The office is located close to the A1, A46 and A17 roads in Newark on Trent, making counselling convenient for customers in Retford, Grantham, Bingham, North Hykeham Southwell, and the surrounding villages.
For more information you can email us on louise@activelisteningtherapies.com and duncan@activelisteningtherapies.com