We often get asked how we came to call our business Active Listening Therapies? Active listening is one of the primary skills required to be a counsellor; it’s more than just sitting and having a conversation, it requires intense concentration and the ability to recall and review information from earlier discussions. Along with empathy, congruence and unconditional positive regard, the ability to intensely listen is one of a counsellor’s most important tools.
This week, Samaritans are challenging the UK to become better listeners. This kick starts a month-long campaign to raise awareness of the services they offer. Whist every counselling service is committed to their clients, being there for them 24/7 is simply not possible; as counsellors we also need time out to refresh and unload. You may not be aware that we have to regular de-briefs with a more senior counsellor to ensure that we are ethically fit and ready to deal with what ever a client brings to the session. One organisation that is available 24/7 is the Samaritans.
Many people will associate the name with suicide support; whilst there is a huge emphasis on suicide, 80% of the calls taken are for wider emotional support. It is a core belief that being available significantly reduces the risk of someone taking their own life, whilst being there to discuss other emotional issues provides the first steps to seeking further support. Key to this is accessibility and confidentiality – did you know that when you call the direct number, 116 123, the call is not only free of charge, it is also omitted from any billing or user documents. You don’t need any credit or call allowance to reach someone.
Often, people with severe emotional stresses find it difficult or upsetting to put their thoughts into words. In support of their talking service, the Samaritans also have an email service and a self-help app – and for those who find technology difficult, you can also send them a letter.
It’s never been easier to connect with people
In an age where the world has never been so connected, why do we need to encourage people to talk? Even before any lock down restrictions, almost a fifth of the population (over 9 million people in the UK) said they were lonely – and staggeringly, two thirds of these felt uncomfortable admitting it. There is also a growing trend that a significant number of people only have a home voice assistant such as Alexa as primary point of contact. It is no surprise that sales of the device have double since 2018.
The Samaritans campaign couldn’t have come at a better time. People may be feeling more unsettled than usual; just because restrictions have been lifted, doesn’t mean life is back to normal. With headlines focused on job losses and a dent in the economy, everyone is being challenged in some way or an other. So, how do you support someone who you think may be struggling?
According to the Samaritans, many people will worry about reaching out as they feel it could be intrusive or make things worse, so reassurance is vital. Once they do start to open up, it is important to listen. Try not to give advice or try to identify what they are going through. Sharing your own experience or an eagerness to solve their problem might seem helpful but could push the person away. The Samaritans suggest the following guide when listening to someone.
SHUSH – active listening tips
1 – Show you care
2 – Have patience
3 – Use open questions
4 – Say it back
5 – Have courage
You’ll find more about this listening technique on the Samaritans website:
It’s okay to not feel okay
What about if you are not feeling good; it’s okay to feel emotionally stretched, confused or angry – you should never be harsh on yourself for feeling like this – life has thrown some strange curve-balls lately. The first step is acceptance – identify that you are feeling off balance, then you can make positive steps forward from there; this might be picking up the phone to a listening service such as the Samaritans, downloading some mindfulness techniques, writing down your thoughts and keeping a diary of how you feel.
In tough times, it is important to remember you are not alone – and that is one of the key messages the Samaritans wishes to promote. They have trained volunteers ready to take your call every day of the year, around the clock. If you have had time to think about your circumstances and decided that a face-to-face discussion is the next step, a counselling service such as Active Listening Therapies will be on hand to help you through your situation. Counselling will be an empowering and uplifting experience; of-course it will be tough at times, but keep in mind the huge steps you will be making.
So, lets stay connected this July. Make a point this week to pick up the phone to someone who you haven’t spoken to in a while – it may just be the call that transforms their life.
If you would like to talk to a counsellor at Active Listening Therapies about your circumstances and how we can help you, you can reach us directly on the following numbers:
Louise – 07568 390402
Duncan – 07759 948001