When people discuss mental health, it is normally assumed that it relates to adults. This week is Children’s Mental Health Week and last Thursday was National Child Carer Day. Taking our eye off adult issues for moment, there is real concern that the children of today will be struggling even more intensely in five years’ time.
It was never intended for Active Listening Therapies to provide child counselling, but it soon became clear that the adults we were seeing had serious concerns for their own children. Soon we had a regular diary of younger clients – and now 50% of our work is youth based. Not only do we see children at our Newark and Nottingham clinics, but we also work as part of the full-time pastoral team for a large academy school in Newark.
Young people are better connected but does this come at a cost?
Over the past few years there has been a growing trend of mental health issues surrounding body image and personal esteem. This is no surprise as young people have never been as well connected to the outside world as they currently are. There is a vast contradiction however, whilst young people are hugely confident to say what they see online or through messenger services, they have all about lost the ability to communicate face to face, particularly with conflict in mind. As soon as you bring young people together during intervention, they lose all confidence and control.
With generations past – and we don’t want to sound too old here – children made their own fun, which was usually outside and with other peers. With fun also came risk – and this developed team association and trust. Arguably we now live in a higher-risk environment and the thought of children doing what we did as a child is a little scary – but, that’s how we learned and developed.
Many of the children we see have a problem with authority. The concept of rules and restrictions is something they are not familiar with; trying to explain to a teenager that it isn’t real life to have everything they want, when they want it and on their terms. Friendships are largely based around gaming cohorts, but when these games are energy fuelled, action platforms it is easy for tempers to be tested. Bravado also brings with it unpopular traits with online gaming; racism is something we have seen an increase in recently. Some research also suggests that young people are immersed with online games for upwards of seven hours a day. Clearly, fitting this in with other required timetables becomes an issue; particularly with sleep. It is little wonder that young people complain about being tired and fatigued.
The statistics aren’t great
So far, we painted a bleak picture of the current younger generation, their moral and ideals, however the reality is there are children who must step into adult shoes for real, way before their time. It is estimated that over 800,000 under 18’s are required to provide relied upon care in the home, this is an estimated increase of 10,000 since 2016, prematurely removing youth and innocence, to be replaced by responsibility and guilt. These are children who have to make adult decisions about finances, food and welfare – and unthinkably, medication. They may be caring for a parent who has a chronic illness, or who are misusing drugs or alcohol. They may be caring for younger siblings as both parents are at work – whatever the circumstances, these kinds of situations can deny children access to education, enrichment and most importantly, the opportunity to simply be a child.
It isn’t education – although the current exam system is putting far too much pressure on young minds – it isn’t discipline issues, or even anxiety – which we see in the counselling room regularly – that is having the biggest effect on children. In our opinion, the most defined issue facing young people is the lack of family structure. One of the first questions we discuss in an early counselling session with a child, is, where would you describe home? Divorce is having a major impact; some children have two or more regular places to ‘stay’ – one child recently disclosed they hadn’t slept in their own bed for over three weeks… We regularly see children who spend time with mum and dad at both of their homes – no one can criticise shared responsibility, but sometimes it is not that simple; a parent may not come home until well after school hours, so children are looked after at grandparents or other relatives, this can add a further one or two locations into a young persons routine. Is it any wonder children are tired, confused and emotional? This becomes even more complicated when a child begins to make sense of their own feeling and needs; bringing in to question what they want and more importantly, who they want to be with.
All this combined, adds to a messy situation which is getting worse year-on-year. Almost one in ten 5 to 19-year olds has been diagnosed with a mental health problem – a total of 1.5 million across the UK. This doesn’t include the children who are voluntarily attending talking intervention at school, or private counselling with companies such as Active Listening Therapies in Newark and Nottingham.
You can help your children
So, what is the resolve? Children are easily influenced by the environment they are in and what they see through social media and the news, no one can predict what is around the corner. There are however positive steps a parent can take to ensure their children feel connected and safe. At Active Listening Therapies we advocate regular support – you don’t need to be in their face to be concerned, you can ask:
Is anything worrying you?
Is anyone hurting you or making you feel bad?
Is there anything I can do to help?
What do you need right now?
We are not here to question parenting rules or how you deal with your child, far from it; we always offer a non-judgemental approach to counselling. However, we all need to be aware of the problems which are developing around young people and their mental and emotional well-being. At Active Listening Therapies, we can support you to encourage and empower your children to make sense of their world and the decisions they make. We can also support you through your counselling journey – after all, children pick up on emotions very easily. If you are going through a tough time it is important not to let it impact on your children because what they see, hear and feel in their younger years will define them as an adult.
Active Listening Therapies provides counselling for adults who are faced with tough life choices and children who could be affected by these actions. For a confidential chat, or to book an appointment at the Nottingham or Newark clinic click here and leave your details in the contact list.
For more information on Children’s Mental Health Week click on the link https://www.childrensmentalhealthweek.org.uk/