Self worth and icing cakes…

I’m Mary Berry – baker and TV personality. Today I want to talk about icing a cake. I haven’t actually baked a cake yet; in fact, I don’t believe I have all the ingredients to make a cake. And do you know what, I’m not even sure I want a slice of cake today. It’s just I saw someone with a cake yesterday – and because of that I’m worrying about what icing I should use if I do bake a cake.

There are so many cake options, fruit, Victoria sponge, layer, swiss roll, dairy free, round, cupcake and loaf. I just don’t know where to start. Having thought about it, I’m probably not good enough for cake anyway, I suspect I’m gluten intolerant and I doubt anybody would even like my cake even if I did bake one.

Come to think about it, what’s the point in cake? It’ll only make me fat. You’ll get fat too… and then you’ll blame me for not fitting in your wedding dress. So, disregard the 75 award winning baking books I’ve written, Saturday Kitchen’s cancelled, don’t even get me started on Bake Off… And finally, Your Majesty, as for the Birthday Honours you can… STOP! Stop, Stop! Take a breath…

Can you imagine if this is how Mary Berry actually thinks?

This week I want you to consider self-regard and being positive in the here and now. It is so easy to feel knocked down, it’s even easier to convince yourself you are not worthy – and without regular checks to realign yourself, you can soon find yourself in a pit of doom. If you catch it quick enough, you’ll be able to make a change to maintain balance, if you are unaware however, it will be your friends, family and colleagues who notice – and coming from them does nothing for the positive regard feature within our brains.

I’m hearing a lot about what people are going to do when lockdown is over – what ever it is for you, keep the positive thoughts going, but what we don’t know is when the current situation we are all in is going to end, so that positive thought can feel like an empty prophecy – or a pipe dream. It’s a bit like worrying about how you are going to ice the cake, before you have even made it – or even thought about what type of cake its going to be.

While the intentions are good, lots of things can – and will change between now and then – and if you are not dealing change particularly well you could be upset when what you’ve planned doesn’t come to fruition in the time you hoped. Right now, the reality is you haven’t got the ingredients for your cake, so don’t sweat over how it’s going to be iced. Focus on today and tomorrow and make sure you, your family and those important people in your life are in the best position they can be. It is far too easy to obsess – and indeed lose sight of what is happening, or about to happen – by making long term plans which can possibly wait until a better time; so free up your mind to the here and now. In cake terms, choose one you’re familiar with – there are plenty of options, but don’t stress over the oven temperature right now.

Making plans, which turn negative, or don’t materialise only serve to disrupt your positive regard. You then begin to convince yourself that the plans were never good, or even worse, you don’t deserve to have such ideas in the first place. This is self-doubt – and now you begin to believe that whatever you do isn’t good enough, you’ll even self-sabotage your own mindset. Let’s go back to the cake idea: we recognise this with the thoughts of intolerance and doubt.

Things can get really awkward, in that you resent people having something you want – and you justify this by creating negative notions toward other people – if I can’t have it why should you mentality. Remember the cake? well it’s going to make you fat too, so best off getting rid completely. Finally, you’re going to disregard all the good that has happened to you. Suddenly, your own negativity out-weighs the positive – and your self-worth is spent. This is highlighted in Mary disregarding the books she has written, scrubbing her broadcasting career and giving back her Birthday honours.

I very much doubt that Mary Berry has these negative notions. I’m sure she has made plans which haven’t quite worked out – we all do, it’s human nature, but I would guess she has learned to manage the negative thoughts in her head – and I would hope she has a high level of self-regard.

So, I want to leave you with this. We are all facing doubt, but how we deal with it defines us. Be positive but understand that change is – to some extent out of our hands – and the best made plans can – and will come unstuck. This isn’t a reflection on you, or your life – it is circumstance. You will have a better chance of success – what ever that may be for you – by smashing each and every day. Concentrate on tonight, tomorrow and the next day – and everything after that will follow suit. Short term wins increase happiness – and happiness sustains, self-worth.