Make the best of what you can this Christmas, you deserve it

It would be very easy to dismiss the traditions of Christmas following what has been the toughest year in generations. Finances have been stretched, families and friendships challenged and daily life has been disrupted for everyone. In Newark this year, it felt strange not being able to gather in the market place and enjoy the tradition of the Christmas lights switch on, yet, despite the circumstances, it hasn’t dampened the enthusiasm; it feels like the town has rallied together to light up the streets and houses in a show of defiance.

It’s comforting to know that there is a community spirit – and that is really important. While the tier system is being relaxed over Christmas, there will be many who are unable to see family and friends, and some who feel ethically it is better to continue to isolate; circumstances which will add further sombreness at a time when being together should be a priority.

Christmas brings conflict when considering mental health. On one hand there are those who seemingly have everything, and on the other, people who have nothing. This can be particularly confusing for children who see their friends receiving expensive gifts, while they are left disappointed. The moral dilemma for parents who are struggling financially is the consideration of what concessions can be made to ensure their children have what they want – and if no concessions can be made, the guilt of not being able to satisfy expectations.

The relationship with food is another difficult balance. With temptation to indulge comes the thoughts of dieting, body shape and guilt. For someone who isn’t dealing with such worries, not participating in the festive delights could be seen as being anti-social or rude; this puts further pressure on to the person who regularly has manage negative thoughts.

This time of year also highlights the fragility of grief and loss. Not being able to celebrate with a special person is heart-breaking and the festivities only accentuate what isn’t there. Trying to explain to children why a loved one can’t be with you, or why that person hasn’t sent a present this year is especially difficult, particularly if that special person was a huge part of past Christmas celebrations.

Everyone is fighting a different battle; some people cope better with the internal stresses and emotions – and outwardly seem fine, while others will be open with their troubles. Mental health is subjective and tolerances very different from person to person. What ever the position of the people close to you – or even the people you may not usually associate with – it is important not to judge; you just don’t know what they are dealing with.

It has been a stressful few months for the young people I have been working with at several schools in the region and one area of focus I have been encouraging is self worth. Negative contributing factors are all around us. What we see on social media is not a real reflection of life in 2020; it is a sugar coated ideal aimed at likes, which ultimately translate in to payments. While there is a positive aim, it is easy for young people to compare themselves and set their expectations against what is trending online – and when this isn’t met, it can lead to bitter disappointment.

Disappointment and a lack of self worth go hand in hand. When young people can identify that their own worth does not have to be based around material gain, body image, or the pressures of other people it gives them a whole new outlook. As adults, self worth can be crushed by a bad relationship, unsuccessful life choices or simply circumstances beyond our control. We do have a choice; we can choose to remain as we are, or we can choose to make positive steps to move forward.

So this Christmas, consider how you view yourself, the people around you and circumstances you are dealing with and ask yourself, how can I make the best out of the here and now despite what I have dealt with this year, how can I enjoy the moment without conflict, disappointment or guilt – and what steps do I have to make to change my perspective in 2021?