Back to school support
The start of a new academic year brings an array of emotions both for young people and their parents. It can be a nerve-wracking time particularly at the start of the transition year from junior to senior school. At a time of change, uncertainty can feel heavy. It is important, as a parent, to maintain a positive and encouraging environment, so that young people can develop their resilience and remove unnecessary challenges. In this blog we’ll focus on starting a new school year from the perspective of a young person, the challenges they face and how parents can manage this tense part of the year.
It is vital, that parents have time to listen to their children’s experiences. Young people need validation and if they feel lines of communication are not available, they soon withhold information, or find other routes to offload. At a busy time, it is easy, for a parent to dismiss the importance of hearing about the events of the day. Young people can feel fragile during new experiences; for them to not have the opportunity to share their feelings and observations with someone significant, encourages these thoughts to be parked for further reflection, potentially leading to anxious or self-defeating behaviour. For a parent, finding the time to actively listen to your children will validate and encourage a sense of confidence and assurance.
Setting expectations is another important consideration at the start of a new academic year, the key is balance; children will be faced with a wealth of new information, and they won’t want to feel dictated to at home. Talk through boundaries and allowances for social time while maintaining an interest in your young person’s learning schedule both at school and at home.
Implementing and encouraging a distraction free area for homework will help with focus, but this takes balance; finding the right space can be difficult in a busy home. During lock down there was an immediate need to find space for young people to learn in the home – and while many parents had good intentions, the results proved otherwise. It sounds like an obvious solution to have a desk in the bedroom. While practical, a multi-purpose space can confuse the mind and when young people wanted to relax – and ultimately sleep, we found they were be kept awake at the thought of school work. Mixed messaging was evident for young people who worked at the kitchen table too. After a prolonged period, the association turned from social space to workspace, with young people choosing not to eat at the table, or worse still, not eat at all. Inadvertently, through conditioning, many routines established with good intention were turned upside down, causing a variety of issues that we are still seeing today.
Young people need routine; this is evident at the start of a new term when they have enjoyed time off. Getting back into a rhythm can be a challenge and they may not want to adhere to simple rules such as bedtime, eating patterns and dress code. The importance of these junctures can escalate at school if not managed at home, and the best way to achieve this is by example. As counsellors, some of the biggest issues we deal with when working with young people is a lack of routine, which leads to a lack of motivation, then to a lack of results or negative outcomes. We have found, over the last five years of working in schools, that mental health discussions with young people often cover the lack of sleep routine. When a young person is displaying mental health concerns, it is easy to assume a host of worrying triggers; as counsellors, we always look at the basics to see whether simple, practical changes can be made to help stabilise what is already a challenging time of life.
A healthy, yet balanced diet is a given for positive development; we are counsellors and not dietitians and believe that treats should be managed in way that no one should feel like they are going without. We know that less-healthy food and drink options may be used as comfort – and from time-to-time, providing it doesn’t become negative or self-defeating where is the harm? We always allow the young person to consider their own choices while objectively thinking through the positives and negatives of choice. The current elephant on the table, is the consumption of energy drinks. Again, as counsellors we will never tell a client what to (and not to) do, however there is plenty of evidence to suggest these kinds of beverages contribute to sensation seeking behaviour, sleep issues, problematic behavioural outcomes, and questionable lifestyle choices, which can lead to stress, anxiety, and depression. Young people aged between 12 and 17 are the fastest growing demographic of caffeine users with 50% specifically consuming energy drinks. Some parents may not consider energy drinks to be a huge concern, particularly when there are other stimulants which are accessible to the teenage community, however, just drinking one bottle or can per day could be considered an addiction. The irony being, in a recent clinical test, teenagers who consumed energy drinks, under test exam conditions, experienced greater performance anxiety, brain fog and agitation, compared to those who consumed water.
Resilience is a huge part of growing up and parenting style regarding this can vary in extremes. Every parent has their own view on how best to manage it, however, an acceptance-involvement (positive and authoritative) parenting style has been proven to be best for resilience, opposed to an authoritarian style which is frequently associated with low resilience. This may come as a shock to some who believe harsh punishment, yelling and discipline control are positive foundations to a resilient outlook. When we work with a young client, we are very interested in the relationship and behaviour of the parental influences. A young person will cement their view of the world as early as two-and-a-half and if positive trust and influence is not present, or fractured, it stands to reason that problems will occur later in the development years. Resilience and making mistakes work together to help a young person assess their own tolerances, reflective thinking and action-planning. As a parent, it is important to encourage a young person to develop autonomy, while being aware that mistakes will be made. It is easy to scorn when it happens, but an encouraging conversation to break down the issues of the mistake will help develop young confidence. For a young person, being able to accept what has happened in unfavourable circumstances is a difficult position to be in, but reflection commands respect.
Some parents also find it difficult to address their child’s emotional challenges; while it is, no doubt, a difficult subject to talk about, young people need the support of adults in their life. In most secondary and academy schools there will be a robust pastoral department who will be on hand to sign-post young people to appropriate levels of emotional support. This may be ELSA (emotional literacy support assistance) which will deal with low level emotional challenges, counselling that will help a young person manage more serious emotional difficulties, or an external referral to appropriate agencies if there is a safeguarding issue. Active Listening Therapies has a partnership with two Academy Trusts, providing counselling support to three school locations. Our experience with children aged between 11 and 18 has provided a good understanding of current mental health trends and presenting issues. There are several options should a young person not wish to access a service in school. Parents can opt for external counselling, this comes in two routes; through the G.P or private practice. Where a young person is under the age of eighteen, it is unlikely that counselling will be offered for lower-level issues, leaving private counselling the easiest route.
Focussing on in-school counselling, five years’ experience with the local trusts has allowed us to build a strong relationship not only with the pastoral staff, but also the students. We are in a unique position whereby we are in school on a regular basis and monitor the development of the young people we work with. We can provide individual intervention from the transition period, through to exam stresses while also working toward emotional regulation of life circumstances that students may be experiencing. The approach ensures the client is at the heart of the discussion; this allows them time and space to consider what is best for them, while also looking at trigger points and methods of managing their own emotions. All of this takes time, and that is limited in a school environment with a six to eight session allocation per client, so it is vital that we can build a rapport quickly and confidently. Having worked with over 1000 young people within schools, and many more as private clients, we are confident that we have a successful track-record which will be of benefit. We don’t just work in the here and now – to ensure young people are able to manage their mental and emotional challenges – we are here to build pillars that change the lives of young people as they develop.
For more information on how Active Listening Therapies can help a young person in your support network, click on the following links to talk to Louise and Duncan directly.
louise@activelisteningtherapies.com
duncan@activelisteningtherapies.com
Louise and Duncan Ellison own and run Active Listening Therapies, a counselling service for young people and adults in Newark on Trent. The company has strategic partnerships with Newark Academy, Suthers’s School and Minster School in Southwell, to provide in-school counselling support for years 7 throught to 13. Louise and Duncan also see clients privately at the Active Listening Therapies clinic located in Newark.
